The Secret About Self-Sabotage

 

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What is Self Sabotage?

We all know the situation, we want to achieve something really badly, but somehow we just can’t get there. We find all sorts of logical reasons why we can’t….. why it’s not working…… and these reasons sound really good to us. And  -for the moment- they work really well for us too….because they keep us in our comfort zone. But ultimately we feel stressed, because we are not moving closer to what we want.

It’s like when you get offered the perfect job, but then you feel you do not have the appropriate skills or you live too far away, or it will be too stressful and so on.

This can be a situation in regards to your personal life, in regards to your health or in regards to your business.

This is a situation of self-sabotage! So what causes us to act like this?

The answer is in our negative and limiting self beliefs. We all have beliefs like: I am not good enough, I can’t do this, I can’t succeed, I am not worthy to make good money, I am not good at technical stuff and so on. These beliefs are stored in the part of our brain called the sub conscious mind. They are like blocks in our brain and get us to act in certain ways, ensuring that we stay within our limitations, ensuring that everything we do keeps us safe and in our “comfort zone”.

These beliefs are like self fulfilling prophecies.  Hence the saying:

“Whether You Think You Can or Can’t, You’re Right Either Way”–Henry Ford

Self sabotage is a situation where we come across an opportunity to have or work towards what we are looking for, but for some reason we are not quite ready YET to go for it, therefore we act like a horse with blinkers on, we only see what we are “able” to see within our limiting beliefs, we don’t “see” the whole story.

What is going on in our mind? Our mind is receiving 2 million bits of information every second. Out of those 2 million bits, we take 7 bits of information on! These 7 bits we then distort, generalize and deconstruct, to ensure they fit our “roundabout” of limiting beliefs!

So how do we get out of this “roundabout”? Awareness is certainly very useful. And when we have been in the “roundabout” for long enough, we sometimes do realise that we have just done it again. For some people it seems to be easier to move out of this “roundabout” and move forward, than for others. This depends on what limiting beliefs we hold and the intensity of those beliefs. Many of these beliefs were created in our childhood. Generally speaking, someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family would hold more limiting and negative self beliefs, than someone who grew up in a loving and supportive family.

Of course the question arises, what can we do about those negative and limiting self beliefs?

I use EFT, Emotionally Freedom Tapping, to release these negative and limiting beliefs in my personal life and in my work, with startling results.

EFT is a gentle tapping with 2 fingers on certain acupuncture points in face and upper body, while talking about the issue on hand. This combination of the 2000 year old meridian system and modern psychology is widely used these days, with absolutely stunning results. When tapping we are sending a calming message to your Amyglada, the part in your brain that is responsible for decision making and emotional reactions!

Tapping away your negative and limiting self beliefs and bringing in new beliefs that are filled with confidence, clarity and self empowerment will propel you forward and support your journey of achieving what you want and getting where you want to be. Releasing the old beliefs allows us to come to a point of confidence where we are certain that we can and will achieve all our goals. A point where we understand the saying:

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” Napoleon Hill

If you would like support in releasing your self sabotage and moving forward, releasing your stress and the blocks that hold you back, please click the Book Now button below.

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My Story – How EFT has helped me to Self Empowerment

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 My Story –

How EFT has helped me to Self Empowerment

I grew up as a girl in Germany after the war, meaning people were very traumatized and focused on their own emotional suffering. Love wasn’t part of my upbringing. I am not saying my parents didn’t love me, I am sure they did, but it wasn’t talked about or shown. What was clearly shown was that girls are inferior to boys, boys are smarter, boys do better at school,  you don’t waste any money on a girls’ education as they get married and have children… you don’t expect much from girls, except that they can keep house and cook and be obedient! Girls had to look pretty, be nice and smile.

With this upbringing I developed many negative and limiting belief systems. I can never get it right, I am not good enough, I am just a girl, nobody loves me and so on. These belief systems were the basis for every thought, every decision I ever made in my life – and of course in the course of my life, I had to make many decisions and not all of them were positive for me…… causing me much pain, frustration and stress. But in those days nobody knew much about it, you just “behaved” yourself and soldiered on. And so I did – until I got to my 50’s and menopause set in,  my stress and frustration were increasing dramatically,  it was so intense, I thought I was going mad.

Little did I know then – that it was the hormonal changes of menopause which create the changes in our brain, giving us this intense desire to finally, finally, finally go for our own goals, desires and needs. Not just be a “mother and women” that serves and nurtures. Little did I know that it was this intense drive, and the fact that I was desperately trying to ignore it because of all my limiting self beliefs,  that caused this incredible frustration, stress and overwhelm.

I finally started researching different healing techniques to get myself out of this incredible situation of unhappiness and frustration. But I also remembered all those women that I had treated during my years of work as physiotherapist in Germany and later on as acupuncturist in Australia.  I had watched them struggle with a similar emotional turmoil and now I was experiencing it myself, now I understood their distress. Consequently, I was searching for tools to release all this emotional upheaval for myself and for my sisters.

My search was finally successful when I found EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping) and eventually hypnosis.  I realized that actually it was all those negative and limiting beliefs that had caused the unhappiness and frustration and the incredible limitations in my life.  I now know that these beliefs cause us to almost create a “cage” for ourselves – often completely unknown to us! They certainly stop us from living up to our full potential!

For the next few years I worked very hard on myself (after all my background is German and we have a reputation for being thorough!) and I was able to release many of these negative and limiting self beliefs like I am not good enough, I can never get it right, I am too stupid, who am I to think I could be successful…., I am just a little girl and so on…. And finally, step by step, I was able to find out WHO I am and WHAT I want…… and act accordingly.

Today my life is without stress, overwhelm and frustration – I am happy and full filled, I have found myself, I have found my calling…. and I feel wonderfully empowered knowing that I am good enough, I am worthy, I am deserving and I can achieve all my goals! And I absolutely love my work. To share this experience of gaining inner freedom with so many wonderful women is such an honor for me.

Believe me, when I say my upbringing wasn’t empowering at all, it was soul destroying. But I have managed to find myself and gain my freedom by releasing so many limiting beliefs, self doubts, self sabotage, traumas and self destroying behaviors.

If I can do it – so can you!!!! And it actually won’t be that hard because you will benefit from all my expertise! 🙂

I am here to help you.

The question is: Are you ready to let go of your story, let go of your past and reclaim your true self?

If you would like support to clear your negative and limiting beliefs and create self empowerment for yourself, please book your FREE Fifties Empowerment Session here :

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What is EFT – Emotional Freedom Tapping

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EFT, Emotional Freedom Taping, is becoming more and more well known and used. So what is that makes EFT so attractive and what is EFT and how does it work?

EFT is a gentle tapping with 2 fingers on certain  points  that are situated on energy pathways, called meridians. These are the points that are used for acupuncture and acupressure.  The origins of Acupuncture in China can be traced back at least 2000 years,  which makes it one of the oldest and most long standing healthcare systems in the world.

Emotional Freedom Tapping is a combination of modern psychology and this ancient meridian point system  and it  is used with absolutely startling results. From pain relief, to healing childhood traumas,  clearing limiting financial beliefs,  weight loss, body image and food cravings, as well as fears and phobias and so much more. Tapping is proving to be a powerful, well-researched and easy to learn and apply technique.

The tapping utilizes these acupuncture points by stimulating them with a gentle tapping with your fingers – literally tapping into your body’s own energy and healing power. Your body is so much more powerful than you possibly can imagine… filled with life energy, and an incredible ability for self-healing.

So, how does EFT work?

In easy words it’s like this:  The free flow of your life energy in this meridian system – which is a network of invisible channels through your body- becomes blocked because of stress, overwork, poor diet, disease pathogens, weather, environmental conditions and life style factors.  If this flow is blocked, the body can’t  maintain harmony, balance and order  – and consequently disease and illness will follow.

What happens when we tap?

Firstly: the tapping on the acupuncture points clears the blockages in the meridians, and with that the energy flow to all your organs is free again, thus healing will take place.

Secondly: In our brain we have  2 little almond shaped brain structures that are called the Amygdala. They are clusters of densely packed nerve cell bodies and they are involved in processing memory, decision making and emotional reactions.

When tapping we are sending a calming message to this Amygdala. Research has proven that Buddhist monks are affecting their Amygdale dramatically with meditation. I am assuming you are not planning to become a Buddhist monk so quickly – and I admit it’s not on my 5 year plan too, but let me reassure you – when doing EFT you are getting the exact same result – sending a calming message to this Amygdala.  It can’t get much better than that, right?!!!!!!

Therefore, EFT -to me-  is the perfect tool to deal with any emotional and/or physical issues,  as it directly affects both your meridians and your brain. To me that ‘s pretty magic and the results I have been getting are equally magic too.

If you are going through difficult times, emotional or physical,  and you would like support, please book a free Fifties Self Empowerment session with me here.

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What is Stress?

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Our ancestors had tigers, bears, wolfs and other life threatening situations to deal with that caused them to experience the flight or fight response, it’s also called the acute stress response.

Mind, body and emotions are strongly linked and there is a very clear interaction between them. Our brain registers a stressor –  often a strong emotion like fear- and  a consequent physical reaction is triggered, this is called the fight or flight response. It is a physiological response triggered by our nervous system when we feel a strong emotion like fear. Fear is the normal emotion to feel in response to a danger or threat and for our ancestors it was the tiger, or the bear.

In our society today, it’s not the bear or the tiger anymore. The stress response is triggered by more complex and subtle concerns: internal threats in the form of fears and/or worries. When we feel anxious or fearful about a presentation, job interview, financial issues, relationship issues, e.g.  the fight or flight response is still triggered in our body and we experience a range of strong, physical symptoms. These symptoms are designed to temporarily change the way our body is functioning – to enable rapid physical responses, which would have allowed our ancestors to run away from the tiger. These responses include:  Increased  blood supply to brain, muscles and limbs,  thinking less and reacting more instinctively,  heart beating quicker and harder, blood pressure rising, lungs taking in more O2,  muscles tensing for action,  adrenal glands releasing Adrenalin, digestion and most organs slowing down.

This is the physical response to stress. If the stress is temporary then all the above will come back to  normal, once the stress is gone. However, for most of us stress is not temporary anymore, but ongoing and we learn to live with it. We call this long term stress.  Symptoms such as headaches and muscle tension are often directly caused by the bodily responses to stress . Long term stress is also linked to many diseases.

No part of the body is immune to long term stress and each of us will respond differently. Some of the symptoms can be depression, anxiety, personality disorders, muscular skeletal problems, heart diseases, high blood pressure, heart rhythm problems, heart attack,  stroke, cancer, insomnia, obesity, skin and hair problems, digestive problems, just to name a few.

Many other existing disorders, -some say most-, are  aggravated by stress.

Stress has become the way of life for many of us.  We are aware that it is unhealthy, but we just seem unable to change this.

However,  it is possible to deal with the stress. It is possible to address those internal fears and worries. And it is possible to calm our system down with regular maintenance. Just as we take our car for regular service, we can do the same for our body! There is yoga, meditation, acupuncture, massage, relaxation techniques, hypnosis, EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping), walks in nature and so much more. But it all starts with YOUR decision.  Are you ready to look after yourself?

The Stress – Menopause Connection

AS we have heard above, fears and worries are causing this acute stress response. When we have negative thoughts like life is a struggle, Menopause is such a misery, I never have enough money and so on, we are actually increasing our stress  and we are going into fear and directly affect our Nervous System and with that causing this stress response. Persistent negative thinking therefore causes increased adrenaline secretion, which causes the Adrenal Glands to become depleted, which will cause even more menopause symptoms. Can you see the vicious circle many women are in – just because they don’t know!!!!

Why is Turning 50 such a Terrible Event for many Western Woman?


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Most western woman struggle with turning 50 years. So why is it such a terrifying event for us? In our western society female youthfulness and beauty is highly regarded. Still to this day, car dealership and car mechanics calendars have nude or half nude young women images.
Most of our advertisement is based on good looking young or younger women. While this situation has improved dramatically in the last 10-15 years, I think it still is safe to say that majority of our advertisement includes images of pretty, younger women, would you agree?
For us 50+ women we were still raised as typical girls, meaning we had to look pretty, be obedient, be able to do housework and be nice in general.
We were not taught to think what do you want? What would you like to do? What would make you happy? Consequently, our way of being was based on being pretty, pleasant and pleasing and the consequent attention we have received in return.
During our 40’s we see the wrinkles developing, but we still have our strength, our exuberance and we can increase the make-up. However, when we turn 50 we can’t deny it; we are not getting younger, we have crossed the half life time and we have no chance at all anymore to keep up with the younger, good looking ones – the pretty ones…. We have lost our most highly valued position, our youth and beauty!
In comparison, in Eastern Society the mature woman is still part of the extended family living situation. Their value has never been based on their looks. In the extended family they value each other and they work together as a team. The mature women are needed, they have a position and their opinion is valued.
In the west we have the nuclear families, but we spend limited quality time together as a family. We are occupied by smart phones and TV. We women, also don’t get the attention anymore because of our fading looks and we struggle to keep up with all the changes, especially the ever changing technology. Many women struggle with all this and they feel they are invisible. Turning 50 is the beginning of this new phase in our lives. Many women dread it, but it can become a time for self empowerment, when we look within and find there is so much more to us than just our youth and our good looks.It does take courage, it does take strength no doubt, but it is so most rewarding gift a woman can give to herself – finding her true inner self.

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The 50+ Stresses And Menopause

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The 50+ Stresses and Menopause

The 50+ Stresses and Menopause,  what is do they have in common?  Let me explain. In my own experience and in my experience as physiotherapist and acupuncturist, I have found that the  50+ decade can be very stressful for many of us women. I realized that  we are facing  8 major stresses which really impact on our life quality. These 8 major stresses do NOT include Menopause. What I would like to show is that during the 50+ decade our life is stressful even without Menopause.

STRESS # 1 – Decline of Strength and/or Health
The early 50’s is the time when most of us are noticing that we are not quite as strong anymore as we used to be. It’s nothing serious, but it’s noticeable and it is a concern as we are very aware that the outside demands are just as full on as they have been for the last 10-15 years. We are aware that these demands are not going away so quickly too – quite the contrary, they might be increasing with aging parents and/or parents in laws, teenage children and so on.

STRESS # 2:  Worry about being less attractive
In western society we are very focused on the youthful, beautiful looks of women. These looks are still to this day the focus of most advertising. During most of our lives we try to keep up with what we are meant to look like; slim, well dressed, smiling and having fun. This in itself is already an illusion, but most western women spend most of their lives running after this illusion, making sure they follow the fashion, the newest diet and so on. Now with the beginning of our 50’s our looks are not quite so youthful anymore and we realize we haven’t got much chance of keeping up much longer. Many women complain that they have become invisible once they lost their youthful looks.

In addition, in our western society women don’t have a place, we are not needed anymore and once we lose our looks we are just regarded as being old. There is no status for older women in our society.

In comparison, in eastern societies older women are still very much needed as they are living within an extended family. In Thailand many older women raise the children of their daughters and/or sons. Their wisdom and support is very much needed, they have their place.

STRESS # 3: Teenage children
Teenage children are not necessarily always a worry, but they still give us plenty of reasons to be concerned. These days they are not as respectful to us parents as we were when we grew up, which can present a huge challenge. We struggle with the disrespectful treatment, the teenagers’ rooms looking like a bomb has been dropped, and the home being used as a drop in station for food and clothes supply. The mobile phone, TV, Xbox and other gadgets are their top focus and most of us parents do not really get to talk to our children anymore. These teenagers have such a strong sense of freedom and of their rights, they often are not aware that we parents enjoy our freedom too, we also have rights and are not just there to clean up after them, make sure the fridge is filled up and pay for petrol and so on.

While we want them to be strong and determined, we also want them to learn to be considerate and understanding of other people’s needs, and it worries us to see them act in such a self-centered way.

STRESS # 4: Empty Nest Syndrome
Just recently both my kids left to go travelling overseas for an unknown period of time.  After being an on-call mum for 25 years, suddenly I wasn’t needed anymore. I had known for some time that they both are leaving and thought I was prepared for it! But the truth is nothing can prepare you for it. My grief was huge. Suddenly, the house was so quiet, no meals to cook, very little shopping to do, no calls anymore with requests.  It was just me. I wasn’t needed anymore. I realised very quickly that my whole being was based on being needed – and that was gone!

I came to understand that I needed to work out who I was and what I wanted! In the process of being a mum, I had lost my identity!

It took me a several months to work through this crisis and with the help of EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping) I did really well. After around 4 months I enjoyed the quiet house, always coming home to a clean house, being able to invite friends for visit anytime I wanted, just living MY life without being responsible for everything and everybody.  I have worked my way through the grief and by now I am loving my freedom very much. They both have returned home in the meantime, but I am not prepared anymore to give up my freedom and take responsibility for everything. I have accepted that they are grown ups and I am not responsible for their happiness and wellbeing anymore.

Stress # 5: Aging Parents or In Laws
Aging parents or in laws can be in need of extra physical support. Depending on their age and health this can be quite intense in itself. I am not saying that it is a burden to look after them or that we don’t love doing it for them. But it is another thing that needs doing in an already busy life. In addition, seeing our parents (or in laws) getting vulnerable and less capable of doing things independently, brings up our own mortality, it brings up fears of who will look after me? Who will care for me? What will I be like when I am old? It brings up our own fears of becoming old and vulnerable and being in need of support, not being independent anymore. It brings up fears of being a burden to someone.

And of course we worry about them, we worry about their health and their wellbeing. We want them to be comfortable, but we can’t always provide that for them, depending on their health.  We love them and we don’t want them to suffer.

STRESS # 6: Fear of the Future
At some stage in the early 50’s there is a realisation that we will not be able to work forever. That brings up a lot of fears and questions. Will there be enough money for retirement? Will we be financially okay? Will we have everything we need to be comfortable? This is our last chance to set ourselves up. It is a true situation of now or never!

In order to set themselves up for a comfortable retirement, many women decide to retrain or go back to uni and get a degree to ensure a solid income for the next few years while they are still able to work. Others start their own business to make extra an income and to set themselves up for the future.

Then of course we also worry about issues like who will look after me, will I be healthy, will I be a burden to my children?

STRESS # 7: Loss of Loved Ones
By the time we are in our 50’s parents, in laws and other family members are getting old and loss of loved ones might occur. The grief of losing a parent is difficult to deal with.

Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member may be one of the hardest challenges to face. When we lose a spouse, sibling or parent our grief can be particularly intense. Loss is understood as a natural part of life, but that does not diminish the shock, confusion, sadness and grief.

Loss of a parent can be a very challenging time as the death of a parent can shake the very foundation of our lives.  We know it will happen eventually, but when our mum or dad dies, everything they represented, security, familiarity and protection seems to be gone. This brings up a lot of grief and sadness. And we have to cope with the loss of parental love and attention that was given uniquely to us and that we depended on, possibly even took for granted.

STRESS # 8: Struggling to Keep up with Technology
When we grew up there were no computers and no mobile phones. We would rely on our knowledge on how to do certain things. Today’s technology is constantly improving; we just thought we’d had it, when things change again. New computer programs, better technology. And we work hard to keep up, but deep down many of us feel we are always a step or two behind and we can never quite get there. It makes us worry and some women do lose their confidence. We can’t work our mobile phones out and we so often struggle with the computer. For those of us who have children nearby we can always get them to sort it out – it takes them 2 minutes to do what we struggle with for hours. For those of us who don’t have children nearby, it’s often a case of giving up eventually. The recognition that we are unable to do the task is very frustrating.

Additional Stresses

In addition to these 8 major stresses, some women experience stresses such as:
Divorce – which can be very stressful and painful.
Redundancy – which can be a blessing or a huge problem as finding a new job at this age might be difficult.
Financial hardship – single women who have brought up the children on their own and have not worked long enough to receive an appropriate pension may now worry about their financial future.
Stress at work – some women have very stressful and demanding jobs.

As we have seen we are exposed to a number of quite intense stresses.  Now let’s add our daily stresses, stress at work, relationship problems, financial problems and so on to our 8 major stresses. And  now to really crank it up we experience menopause on top of all that. Can you see how our stress levels are going up higher and higher?

Not every woman experiences all of these stresses, not every woman has children and not all woman experience the stresses in the same intensity.

Effects of Stress on the Body
Mind, body and emotions are inextricably linked and there is a very clear interaction between them. Our brain notices a stressor, a hormonal or chemical reaction is taking place,  which then causes mental and physical issues. Some problems such as headaches and muscle tension are often directly caused by the bodily responses to stress. Many other disorders, some say most, are aggravated by stress.

Therefore stress can affect all aspects of your life. No part of the body is immune. Every woman handles stress differently and therefore symptoms of stress can vary.
Stress is directly linked to many physical symptoms such as depression, anxiety, personality disorders, muscular skeletal problems, heart diseases, high blood pressure, heart rhythm problems, heart attack and stroke, cancer, insomnia, obesity, skin and hair problems, gastro-intestinal problems, just to name a few.

Many women I have talked to confirm that their menopause symptoms like hot flushes, anxiety and depression are aggravated by stress.

Let’s investigate what stress does to our Adrenal Glands

When we are stressed the Adrenal Glands are producing Adrenalin and with long term stress they are continuously pumping Adrenalin and eventually they get depleted. However, the Adrenal Glands are also meant to balance our hormone levels, which is so important during menopause. But once they are depleted, they can’t do their job anymore, hence we will experience menopausal symptoms.

Therefore, I would like to raise the question, is it possible that some of the symptoms we blame on menopause are actually directly stress related? Broken sleep, insomnia, anxiety, weight gain and so much more are stress related issues, but suddenly when we are menopausal all these symptoms are blamed on menopause.

In decreasing our stress level, the Adrenal Glands will get a chance to recuperate and take up their job again to balance our hormones out. Wouldn’t it  therefore be logical to work on decreasing our stress levels?

In my coaching work I use EFT, Emotional Freedom Tapping. EFT is a gentle tapping with 2 fingers on certain acupuncture points in face and upper body, while talking about the issue on hand. EFT is a combination of the 2000 year old meridian system that is used in acupuncture and modern psychology. The tapping  is sending a calming message to our Amyglada, the part in our brain that is responsible for emotional reactions and decision making.

In my coaching work I have observed again and again that as the women release their stresses, their menopause symptoms disappear as well. Depression disappears, anxiety disappears, insomnia disappears and so much more. All by just reducing their stresses.

Does this sound like an absolutely wonderful natural treatment for menopause symptoms to you? No side effects whatsoever – besides more happiness! And isn’t that what we are all looking for?

I hope you have enjoyed this blog!

If you would like support with your 50+ stresses or your menopause issues, please send click the book now button for your FREE 50+ Breakthrough Session.

 

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My Story of Menopause and the 50+ Decade

 

_DSC4371My earliest memory of anything to do with menopause was my mum having a hysterectomy in her early 40’s. She must have experienced menopausal symptoms. But nothing, absolutely nothing was talked about, how she was feeling, how it made her feel having had the hysterectomy, what symptoms she was  experiencing and how she was coping. It seemed like a very taboo subject.

My next memory of menopausal women goes back to 1967. I was 14 years old and I was working as a receptionist for a GP. He generally put menopausal women on Valium, it was just too much for the poor husbands to deal with such neurotic behavior, so he would say.

Later in my twenties I trained as a physiotherapist and worked in Germany’s largest rehabilitation center.  Again, I got to work with many menopausal 50+ women, I was surprised by the amount of stress or emotional pain, they were going through. Later on, I worked in private practice, but the experience was the same:  middle aged women, menopausal and struggling badly to keep things together.

There was no support for menopausal women whatsoever, on top of what they were going through they were labelled being neurotic. I have no idea how they managed to cope. Still to this day I deeply feel for the women and the incredible struggle they were – and still are going through – completely on their own .

Life continued on, I immigrated to Australia. I also got married and had children, got divorced and I did what we all do, I looked after the family, gave up on my own desires for the best of the family, I served my darling children, I was there for them every step, I cooked and I washed,  just like we women do.

Since I had no recognition of my German physio in Australia, I had re-trained as acupuncturist, thinking acupuncture is more holistic and I could address any symptoms on a deeper level. But I learned soon that wasn’t the case. I was able to help people with their symptoms and make them  feel calmer, but I wasn’t able to address and release the emotional pain that is causing the physical symptoms. Because in the end our physical symptoms are just a message that there is something going on in our hearts, something is hurting us and we need to find out what it is in order to release our symptoms.

Having dealt with so many clients in different professions I have come to understand:   It’s the unresolved emotional issues that cause our physical symptoms. Menopausal symptoms are no exception.  Dr. Christine Northrup talks about it in her book:  “The Wisdom of Menopause”.  Dr. Northrup is saying that your body is giving you messages in form of symptoms, if you ignore the messages, your body will intensify the symptoms!  Louise Hay also talks about it in her book: “You Can Heal Your Life”.

But it wasn’t until I hit the fifties myself and experienced myself the extend of the emotional distress that is going on. Oh my good, it was so intense, so incredibly intense. I didn’t experience too many menopausal , broken sleep, low energy, irritability and that internal pressure – which is caused by the incredible raise of the reproductive hormones FSH, LH and GnRH.  According to Dr. Christine Northrup author of: “The Wisdom of Menopause”  These hormones surge to their new highest levels ever  and stay that way to drive the changes taking place in the midlife woman’s brain.”

She is saying that scientific evidence is mounting that the reproductive hormones are driving the changes in our brains.  It is these changes in our brains that give us the drive to go for OUR needs, go for what WE want,  after years and years of service to the family. This drive can be very strong, suppressing it and not following it will eventually lead to physical symptoms. Menopausal symptoms are one of the symptoms that are coming up, breast cancer, heart problems, digestive problems are often coming up too.

For me, the fifties were a very difficult time, because of that incredible inner tension and pressure, the frustration and irritability. I had lots of healing sessions and I went on search for a technique or tool that would help to release EMOTIONS, my emotions. I have observed menopausal women struggling for so long,  first my mum, than as doctors receptionist, then as physio,  and last as  acupuncturist and now it was my turn –  I was experiencing the intensity first hand!  And I did not like it one bit!

That’s when I found EFT, Emotional Freedom Tapping. I used to feel the immediate relief after the sessions.  I trained in EFT and I treated friends and clients. I was absolutely impressed how amazing this gently tapping on acupuncture points in the face and on the upper body just releases the issues!  It certainly made the last few years of my fifties so much easier!  And everybody I worked with felt that incredible relief too.

Finally after years and years of searching I found my tool of helping women to release their emotional pain, release all the stored up emotions, the guilt, the shame, release all the physical symptoms AND the menopausal symptoms. I cannot describe in words how much that meant to me and still does. I have watched women suffer for as long as I can think and finally I found a way to help – OMG, talking about being over the moon? Talking about having found my life’s purpose – YES, I have finally found it! I cannot help my mum anymore, as she has moved on, but I can help so many other women!

Over the last few years I have become very experienced in helping women to release their emotional distress, as well as their menopausal symptoms or any other physical symptoms! I absolutely enjoy working with the women and we are having a lot of fun together.  I feel honored to be sharing this journey with them.

If you struggle with menopausal symptoms and you would like support, please  to book yourself in for a FREE Breakthrough Session.

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Self Sabotage & How We Can Stop This Behaviour Effectively Part 3

Self Sabotage  & How We Can Stop This Behaviour Effectively

Part 3

 

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Continuation of Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage

When tapping the points in the face you say the words in the script, when tapping under the collarbone, you tell your story, you talk about all your emotions, your stress and your issues, your disappointments, your deeper inner feelings, your self sabotage patterns. How does this issue make you feel? Unimportant? Not needed anymore? Disregarded? Old? Unworthy or Undeserving?

How does it make you feel that you don’t deserve and you are not worthy to have the good things in life? Sad? Upset? Frustrated? Miserable? Hopeless? You can watch everybody else going for what they want, but you can’t, how does that make you feel? If you can think of situations where you where treated disrespectful or been rejected and you felt it was because you don’t deserve or you are unworthy, talk about these situations, how did you feel when it happened?

It is important to talk about these emotions – this is what facilitates the release.

If you don’t know what to say, just focus on what you are feeling while tapping under the collarbone. You will find the release is still taking place.

If you have worked with EFT before and you understand the process, you can do this on your own. However, if you are new to this work I would recommend for you the get support when working through these

Our self sabotaging behaviours can only be overcome if we work on all levels. In the past chapters I have talked about how to release the belief systems that are the root to our self sabotage. Now that these are out of the way we have cleared the emotional attachment to our self sabotage patterns. Now the emotional attachment is released we need to pay attention to our behaviours and once we can see them come up to make a choice not to engage with them any more.

 3. Recognizing Your Self-Sabotaging Behaviour

In order to stop your self sabotage cycles you need to become aware of what your patterns are. Procrastination? Lack of motivation? Anger?

 

Once you identify your cycles of self sabotage you need to make a conscious decision that you will not participate in these behaviours any more.  These behaviours will still come because we are all  habitual beings. However, now you are free of the emotional attachment you are free to choose to not engage in this behaviour of self sabotage any more. You literally can tell the behaviour to go away and get started on the new habits of getting the job started and/or finished, not engaging in anger and so on.

 

  • Have goals you had for yourself for a long time and never been able to accomplish?
  • Consistently fail, for no obvious reason?
  • Find yourself procrastinating or putting off making a decision?
  • Suffer from lack of motivation to do something that you should want to do?
  • Find yourself unreasonably angry or frustrated and this frustration is affecting your relationships?

Creating Positive Self Talk – Affirmations

Affirmations are positive self talk and are a great tool to speed up achieving any success, not only professionally.  Every thought we think and every word we speak is an affirmation. All of our self-talk and internal dialogue is a stream of affirmations. We’re using affirmations every moment whether we realize it or not. Using positive affirmations will transform our life and help make your dreams come true.

When using positive affirmations we are making a conscious decision of what information we want to feed our sub conscious mind in order to overcome self sabotage. It therefore helps to have a list of affirmations available and to read them at least once per day – better twice.  The best time is in the evening and morning. The secret to affirmations is to FEEL them while reading them. Merely reading them in order to get the chore done will not be very helpful.

For example:

I am confident
I am strong and powerful

I always go after what I want in life
I am confident in social situations

I believe in myself and my capabilities
I meet challenges confidently
I always finish all my projects

I love the high level of motivation I have

I love finishing my projects

It feels so good having all my projects finished
I deeply and completely love and accept myself

————–

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Self Sabotage & How We Can Stop This Behaviour Effectively Part 2

Self Sabotage  & How We Can Stop This Behaviour Effectively

Part 2

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 There are 3 steps to breaking our cycle of self sabotage. The 1st step is to monitor negative thinking  and negative self talk, only in recognising what our thinking and our negative self talk is, can we release it and with that improve our behaviours and effectively stop the self sabotage. Having achieved that, we are a step closer to being able to achieving our goals and dreams and have a fulfilling life.

Breaking the Cycle of Self-sabotage

1.  Monitor Your Negative Thinking and Self Talk

Negative self-talk is something we have all probably engaged in at some time. We tend to do it on a regular basis which will lead to self-sabotage and with that will stop us achieving our goals and dreams.

If you allow yourself to engage in negative self-talk,  you actively erode your self-confidence and self esteem. And with every failed attempt, you “prove” to yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t do the thing you want.

And as you continue spiralling down, you become more and more frustrated, discouraged, and angry with yourself. These feelings trap you and keep you from doing whatever it is you need to do to break free.

Negative self talk is based on negative and limiting self beliefs and on lack of self confidence. The most common negative belief systems are I am not good enough, I don’t deserve, I am not worthy.

Think about what you are saying to yourself and what is going on in your head.

In order to stop self sabotage and achieve our goals we need to recognise our self limiting beliefs (I am not worthy, I am not good enough and/or  I don’t deserve )  that are underlying the negative self talk we are engaging in. In  recognizing these negative and limiting beliefs, we can release them and with that stop the self destructing behaviours like procrastination, feeling  frustrated or  lack of motivation, in fact effectively stop the self sabotage and then  go out and achieve our dreams and goals. I use EFT in my sessions and in my personal life to release any belief systems, emotions or self sabotaging behaviours.

2. Releasing negative and limiting belief systems

Releasing these negative beliefs systems is the most important step in this whole process of overcoming our self sabotage patterns of procrastination, lack of motivation, frustration, lack of self belief and so on. We can pay attention to what’s going on in our head and then make a decision not to give energy to these negative and limiting thoughts any more. It is possible to do this on your own.

However, I would say this is the long and difficult road. It will be much quicker and more effective to get support of an experienced practitioner. But, depending on our level of self sabotage we might decide to take this road with justifications like: We don’t want to spend the money,  we don’t want to waste our time or we don’t need anybody’s help.

Our negative and limiting belief systems are stored in our subconscious. They are the driving force behind all our thoughts, actions and decisions. Therefore they are affecting every aspect in our life. It is absolutely essential to clear any negative beliefs if we want to achieve success and happiness. The tools available are NLP, hypnosis and EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping). These tools are all great tools to effectively and quickly stop self sabotage.

The belief systems that we are holding of I am not good enough, I do not deserve, I am not worthy and so on, are attached to traumas we have experienced in our early days. These belief systems are the bottom line to any self sabotage patterns we may hold. I have not worked with a single client that did not hold any of these belief systems.

I personally love EFT because of it’s incredible effectiveness and use it in my sessions to release these negative belief systems and the attached traumas and with that stop the self sabotage.

EFT is a gentle tapping with 2 fingers on acupuncture points in face and upper body.

EFT image with words

To be continued…

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What is Self Sabotage & How We Can Stop Self Sabotaging Behaviours Effectively Part 1

Self Sabotage  & How We Can Stop This Behaviour Effectively

Part 1

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 Self sabotaging behaviours are generally an expression of feelings of not being good enough and not being deserving. These are belief systems that are stored in our subconscious mind. Therefore, most of the time we are not aware that we are running any self sabotaging behaviours.

Self-sabotage can be best described as a combination of negative thoughts, feelings and self-defeating behaviours, caused by low self-esteem and a lack of self confidence, as well as beliefs like I am not worthy and I do not deserve.  These thoughts, beliefs and behaviours cause that we create roadblocks on our path to success. When we consciously want something but subconsciously make sure we don’t get it, our inner saboteur is at work. These are very subtle behaviours and most of the time we are not conscious of them.

People seldom mean to sabotage themselves. It is not a conscious decision to spoil things for ourselves – and that’s the problem.  We can be left with a feeling of “why did I do that?” What’s even worse, we usually don’t even recognize that’s what’s going on. Instead we attribute our lack of success to our own inadequacy or blame someone else. This in turn, strengthens our negative self talk and we get caught in a self-sabotaging cycle.

Self sabotage is a series of unconscious behaviours that stop you from achieving the success you know you are capable of achieving and you would love to achieve, but never manage to. It’s the feeling  that you can’t do something you know you should be able to do, but also you shouldn’t be doing something but you can’t stop yourself from doing!

Self sabotaging behaviour can show itself in:

Feelings of being unworthy or not deserving  

  • thinking everybody else is smarter, better faster, prettier and so on
  • you forever compare yourself with everybody else and you are never good enough
  • you are very critical of everybody but especially yourself

 Procrastination

  • putting things off that need doing
  • starting projects without finishing them
  • feeling unmotivated or unable to proceed despite great opportunities presenting themselves

Dreaming of doing something,

  • but never doing it
  • Regretting that you haven’t done it

Worry

  • Continuously fretting over things
  • Doubting yourself and your abilities even though you “know” you are very capable.
  • Feeling stressed and anxious and perhaps suffering from unexplained depression or panic attacks when trying to achieve something important to you.

 Self-sabotaging behaviours come in certain patterns or cycles and we do it again and again. We want something so badly, but seem to be unable to achieve it. We stop doing what we  love so much. We hurt a loved one with our words. We repeat patterns, keep getting the same results and we wonder why that is so. Therefore we are unable to reach our potential which makes us feel frustrated.

Our Self-Sabotage Patterns

Have you ever wanted something so badly, for so long, tried so hard to get it, but failed? Have you  set goals that you didn’t reach, despite you think you should be able to reach these goals?

Or have you ever wondered why you keep repeating the same patterns of behaviour and therefore keep getting the same unsatisfactory  results?

How many times have we acted against our self-interest, then asked ourselves why did we self-destruct? Why did we say that to a loved one? Why did we procrastinate on that project? Why have we stopped doing that one thing that makes us feel great?

All of us at one point in our lives go through these phases of self sabotaging behaviours. In fact, many of us go through these self-sabotage cycles on a regular basis and as a consequence we live below the potential of our own abilities. We regret the things we didn’t do and can’t understand why we keep getting stuck in these limiting patterns.

To be continued…

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