The 3 Secrets to Issues with Self Confidence Part 4

The 3  Secrets to Issues with Self Confidence  

Part 4

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Secret 2 to working with our issues with self confidence is affirmations.

Affirmations help us consciously choose words that will either help eliminate something from our life or attract a desired outcome. We have self talk going on all the time, these talks are affirmations too.   Every thought we think and every word we speak is an affirmation. All of our self-talk and internal dialogue is a stream of affirmations. We’re using affirmations every moment whether we realize it or not. When using positive affirmations we are making a conscious decision of what information we want to feed our sub conscious mind in order to achieve our desired outcome. Using positive affirmations will increase our self confidence, consequently transform your lives and  make our dreams come true.

It therefore helps to have a list of affirmations available and to read them at least once per day in the morning ,  but even better  is in the morning and evening. The secret to affirmations is to FEEL them while you read them.  Merely reading them in order to get the chore done will not be very helpful.

For example:

  • I am confident
  • I am strong and powerful
  • I always go after what I want in life
  • I am confident in social situations
  • I believe in myself
  • I meet challenges confidently
  • I always express my thoughts and opinions with great confidence
  • I love and accept myself deeply
Secret 3   –    Life Style changes

Have an honest look at your life: which habits are positive, which are negative?  Which habits are you willing to give up or what changes do you want to implement to introduce a healthier life style? This could be better diet, giving up addictions like coffee, cigarettes or alcohol. Making sure you are getting enough sleep. Consider adopting relaxation techniques and/or exercise.

Do not try and do everything at once, one step at the time and all steps need to be bite size and achievable.

Understand that these changes will take time and patience – make a commitment to yourself,  you are worth it.

The goal is to slowly introduce a lifestyle that is supportive and healthy on all levels, emotionally, physically and mentally!  All these steps are steps of being kind and loving to yourself. Treating yourself in a respectful and caring manner, giving yourself the love and attention you desire and deserve, with that creating the feeling you are worthy and deserving of being treated loving and respectfully,   which creates self confidence and release of the issues around confidence!

  •  Ensure you have a healthy diet, including lots of greens and fruit. Consider taking a quality vitamin supplement. You will be surprised how much a quality supplement can improve your physical and emotional well being and with that positively affect your self confidence.
  • Surround yourself with positive people, avoid negative and critical people. Positive and enthusiastic people can have a wonderful influence on your self confidence.
  • Make room for fun activities. Remember laughter is the best medicine! The more fun activities you include in your life the more positive you will become, the more you will increase your self confidence – I promise!
  •  Are you getting enough physical exercise? Improved self-esteem or self confidence is a key psychological benefit of regular physical activity. When you exercise, your body releases a chemical called endorphin. This endorphin interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain and trigger a positive feeling in the body.
  • Do you meditate? Attend yoga classes? What do you do for your relaxation?  Relaxation is important in life as it helps to release stress. When you are stressed you are more prone to be negative and critical. Get my 5 Instant Relaxation Techniques here.
  •  Do you get enough sleep? A good night’s sleep will help you to feel better in yourself and be more positive about yourself, it helps to make better decisions and be alert to what’s going on around you and be more productive. Consequently this will help to increase your self confidence.

These are the 3 Secrets to dealing with issues around confidence.  Improving your self confidence is not a skill you can just learn, it is a process of releasing negative experiences to adopt a positive mindset, lifestyle changes and affirmations, thus achieving a well being on all levels, mental, physical and emotional.

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The 3 Secrets To Issues with Self Confidence Part 3

The 3  Secrets To Issues with Self Confidence  

Part 3

 

sad mature woman

 

There are 3 secrets to our issues with self confidence or lack of self confidence are:
  1. Releasing past traumas
  2. Working with affirmations
  3. Life style changes

 Secret 1:    Releasing the traumas from your past to release issues around self confidence

If you truly want to move forward and have a great life, you need to go through this process of working through your issues with self confidence. I am not saying this is a hard process, not at all; it can be lots of fun. I love this process as I believe better out than in! I see it in my clients over and over again. Their self confidence goes up as they release all the traumas and emotional issues. With the increased self confidence they trust in themselves, they believe in themselves! With that there is a new joy for life, an enthusiasm and they go for their dreams, they have goals and achieve them. And they know they can achieve them! Is that worth the trouble of going through the work of releasing the traumas? YES, absolutely!

This release of issues with self confidence can be done with EFT (Emotional freedom Tapping), Hypnosis,  Neuro Linguistic Programming and energy healing. I am sure there are more modalities out there, but these are the ones I know of as being suitable for working with our  issues with self confidence.

I personally use EFT. It has proven itself to me again and again. It is easy to learn and easy to use. I use it in all my sessions and in my personal life. Therefore, I will talk about EFT.

For me, EFT is the perfect tool for releasing any traumas, negative and limiting beliefs, self doubts, self criticism, emotional difficulties, issues with self confidence and so on. I will give you a little introduction to EFT, but I do recommend working with an experienced practitioner when working with your past traumas. You can book private coaching with me here.

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EFT is a gentle tapping with two fingers on acupuncture points around the eye and under the collarbone.

Words you say while tapping:

Inner eyebrow:   I am ready to release and let go.

Outer eyebrow:  I am okay to let it go

Under eye:          It is safe to let it go

 

 When tapping under the collarbone, you tell your story, you talk about all your emotions, your stresses and your issues, your traumas, your issues around self confidence, your deeper inner feelings. This is the place to talk about your traumas while you tap. This process will facilitate the release of the emotional charge that is attached to the trauma, as well as the belief systems of I am not good enough and I don’t deserve. Once the emotional charge has been released you are free of that trauma. And this is the goal of the release. With time you work yourself through as many traumas as possible to achieve a feeling of inner peace. This inner peace is a feeling of being positive about yourself and the world. This feeling is a feeling of love for yourself and a feeling of  self confidence.

As I have said before, please ensure you get the support of an experienced practitioner when working through your traumas, especially if you are new to this work.

To be continued…

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The 3 Secrets To Issues with Self Confidence , Part 2

The 3  Secrets To Issues with Self Confidence  

Part 2

sad mature woman

Self  confidence issues are a consequence of negative and/or traumatic early childhood experiences. A child that is growing up in dysfunctional circumstances does not recognise the situation as dysfunctional, he internalises everything and makes himself the cause of the treatment he receives, thus affecting the child’s self confidence and creating his issues with self confidence.

If a child is mistreated, the child thinks he deserves it. If he is abandoned, he tells himself that he is insignificant. If affection and love is withheld, the child views himself as unlovable. If he is criticized repeatedly he thinks he must be incompetent. If the child is abused he thinks he must be unworthy of anything better. Thus the first few years of a child’s life set the stage for this view of self and the degree self confidence and the issues with self confidence, thus affecting the child’s entire life. However, this view of oneself is not based on the truth of who he is, but rather on the rejecting, inappropriate, and abusive behaviour the child experienced in early childhood.

Once this faulty view of self and the issues self confidence are formed, it affects everything in the child’s ongoing life: his decision making, his ambition, his creativity, his assertiveness, his choices, his dreams and his inability to discern whom and when to trust. His issues with self confidence will affect his entire life unless at some stage in his life he makes a decision to work through these childhood experiences and traumas.

Dealing with Issues of Self Confidence

When starting to work with our issues with self confidence we need to first accept that we have a self confidence issue. Next we have to bring awareness to our thinking. What is going on in your mind? It is very important to become aware of what is actually going on in our head and to make a decision of what we want to accept as beneficial for us and what not. This step to awareness will need our patience and perseverance – so we need to be gentle with ourselves.

  •  The first step to moving forward is always acceptance that we do have issues with self confidence. Accept that we have these issues, do not judge ourselves, just accept what is. It will be very difficult to move forward if we do not accept what is!
  •  The next step to dealing with our issues with self confidence is to start paying attention to our self talk. We will find that we are very critical of ourselves and we will doubt yourself a lot. Again not judging, just accepting that’s for we are doing for NOW. But making a conscious effort to stop this behaviour. Being aware this is step will take time and patience. We literally have to police our thoughts. We have roughly about 60 000 thoughts coming through per minute. Our brain tends to focus 3x more on negative events than positive events. Therefore, be gentle and patient with yourself and keep reminding yourself: “ I am getting more and more positive every day”!

To be continued…

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The 3 Secrets to Issues with Self Confidence Part 1

 The 3 Secrets to Issues with

Self Confidence,

 Part 1


sad mature woman

What is self confidence?

Self confidence is how we view ourselves in comparison to other people around us and the rest of the world. Issues with self confidence issues is when we have little voices in our heads telling us we are not good enough,  we are not worthy, we can never get it right and so on and we are believing these voices. Many of us have these voices, but we have different ways of dealing with them. Self Confidence issues are very common.

 What is the reason for lack of confidence or self confidence issues?

Lack of confidence and issues around self confidence is  when you have the core beliefs of not being good enough and/or not being deserving,  combined with the view of yourself as being inadequate, unlovable, unworthy and/or incompetent and everybody else as better, smarter quicker, prettier and so on,  than yourself.

To have issues around self confidence or lack of confidence means that you have a worse opinion of yourself than what is true and those around you do NOT share your opinion about yourself.

There 15 Characteristics to Issues with Self Confidence

  1. Withdrawing from society as much as possible
  2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
  3. Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
  4. Less social conformity
  5. Difficulties in accepting compliments
  6. Not seeing yourself equal to everybody else and with that treating yourself unfairly
  7. Focusing on the negative
  8. Constant concern over what you imagine other people are thinking about you
  9. Self neglect
  10. Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
  11. Worrying whether you have been nice enough/good enough to others
  12. Reluctance to take on challenges
  13. Reluctance to have a go at things
  14. Difficulties in trusting your opinion
  15. Expecting little out of life for yourself

Issues around self confidence can be due to abusive, unloving, critical or dysfunctional treatment in early childhood days.

Self esteem or self confidence is a measure of how you think and feel about yourself in relation to other people. If you believe other people are better then you, more competent, better looking, smarter, do things better, are more worthy and deserving, feel anxious, and generally think negatively about yourself, then you do have issues with self confidence, you lack confidence.

All these negative thoughts about yourself, is actually  very unfair – to you! It means that will never try your best as you already believe you are not good enough anyhow. Life will feel like a big struggle to you and you can never get anywhere as you never have a real chance to succeed in anything as you do NOT trust that you are good enough, smart enough, clever enough and so on. You already believe you can’t get the job/house/partner you love, so why go for it in first place?

 Causes for issues around self confidence and lack of confidence

People who were abused as children (emotional, physical or sexual abuse) are more likely to suffer low self esteem, lack of confidence and issues with self confidence as adults. They believe that they are of little value or just an object to be used. They have been ‘brain washed’  by exposure to anger, abandonment, abuse, neglect and constant criticism to believe that they are not worthy or not good enough as they are.

To be continued…

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Stress and 50+ Professional Women

 

Stress and 50+ Professional Women 

Worried Mature woman


Being a professional women in your fifties can be very challenging. Firstly, you got all the stresses of work to deal with, secondly you got the 50+ stress to deal with and between the 2 of them life can be stressful.
Let me explain – but if you are in that situation there is very little to explain, you are feeling it allright!
So maybe I should use the word clarify instead? Let’s clarify stress
stress at work. If you have a huge work schedule and you struggle to get everything done in a certain time frame, there is usually a feeling of not being in control.
That feeling often comes hand in hand with anxiety, which brings up doubts of one self, questions like am I good enough, can I do this right, can I get it right, or similar suddenly pop up. These self doubts then slow you down and make you less efficient, which then increases your stress level even more!

The definition for stress is: Emotionally stretched, strain, pressure, tension, nervousness, worry, anxiety, trouble, difficulty, distress, trauma, suffering, pain, grief, hassle.

Stress causes the adrenal glands to produce adrenalin. Now in long term stress the adrenal glands don’t get to relax, so they keep pumping out adrenalin and eventually they will be depleted. You will experience adrenal fatigue – meaning exhaustion! But it also will increase your menopausal symptoms like hot flushes, night sweats and so on, which in turn will cause more anxiety and insomnia, and more stress… Stress will also deplete the kidneys (in acupuncture terms – my background is acupuncture). What does that mean? You will experience more exhaustion, grumpiness, lack of concentration, decreased alertness, sugar cravings which leads to weight gain, coffee cravings and so on…… Can you see the vicious circle you are in?
You do know the consequences of long term stress? Heart problems, palpitations, anxiety, insomnia, diabetes, weight gain, digestive problems and much more, but also more WRINKLES!! Seriously, the whole body is affected by stress; every single organ is suffering….. and is coming out of balance…… how can you possibly be feeling good????
That’s just the stress in itself!

Next we have the 50+ stress – I have counted 10 major stresses most 50+ women are dealing with:

1. Decline in our strength, health and energy levels
2. Decline in our youthfulness, decline in attractiveness
3. Menopause with it’s list of issues
4. Teenage children
5. Empty Nest (or children not moving out!)
6. Parents and/or in laws in need of more support
7. Loss of loved ones
8. Fear of future
9. Struggle with technology
10. Financial concerns about our future

On top of these ten challenges, there are often relationship stresses and/or financial stress so much more.

Did you know that 50+ women experience more stress than any other age group? Can you now see why?
When looking at all these issues we are dealing with I am not surprised at all, that 50+ women are stressed! But what is underneath all this stress is the lack of trust in ourselves. What do I mean when I say that?
See, we can’t turn life off, things will happen, stress will happen. But if we are feeling strong, solid and confident on a very deep level, we will not get so “worked-up” when things happen. We will trust that we will do our absolute best and that’s all we humanly can do. We will trust in that knowledge.
But many of us are only confident on the very surface, right? See when we are stressed, it brings up very old emotions, because stress is a “fight ‘n flight response”, which is a very deep seated automatic reaction that is happening in our body. This “fight ‘n flight response” is triggered by fear and once we are diving into the fear pot, it doesn’t stop there, our sub conscious digs all the other fears out too. And these fears of not being good enough, or not getting it right, are right there. They are old belief systems we have created in our childhood. Often we are not aware of them. However, some do pop in our conscious mind more often and if we pay attention we will become aware of them.
So what to do? There are ways of identifying and releasing these belief systems. Once they are released and out of your system, you will find an amazing lightness and relief.
EFT is a great tool to release these belief systems, as well as old traumas, memories and thought patterns. Once you have released these beliefs, thoughts, traumas and memories and they are out of your system, you will find a huge relief and you will find that suddenly, things don’t stress you out anymore. Suddenly, you feel all calm and cool! And you will stay in that calmness and with that your life will change dramatically.  This ability to stay calm and centred -to me- is one of the most precious gifts ever.

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Depression in 50+ Women and my Secret Approach!

 Depression in 50+ Women – My Secret Approach!

Depression in Women


I have been working with 50+ women in my years as physio therapist in Germany and working as acupuncturist in Australia. In both capacities and both countries I found that 50+ women are coping with a lot of stress (home/work) and a lot of personal issues.

I was still young when working as a physiotherapist in Germany. But already then it came to my attention that 50+ women are very stressed and exhausted. It made me curious. I would regularly see clients with a frozen shoulder, they would tell me about their problems, however, the general understanding at the time was that 50+ women are “a little over sensitive” because of the hormones playing up.

After immigrating to Australia I decided to study acupuncture, hoping to treat more holistically. To my great surprise I kept seeing lots of 50+ women, struggling with stress and exhaustion. Over the years I found I was able to relieve their symptoms, just as I did as physio therapist, but I still wasn’t really getting to the root of their problems. I wanted to find out what was going on at a deeper level. I studied Louise Hay which gave me a deeper understanding of the meaning of physical symptoms – how our bodies are talking to us. The frozen shoulder syndrome in Germany and Japan is called the 50 year shoulder, as it is a syndrome that is often seen in 50+ women. According to Louise Hay it is an expression of carrying the burden of life! Very interesting, don’t you think so?

Fast forward another 10 years and I have changed my treatment style completely. After coming out of my emotionally challenging 50 decade I have decided to specialise in working with 50+ women. The reason for this change was my own 50 decade being so incredibly challenging and the realisation that there is no support out there. Most therapists contribute our issues to menopause, which I find very simplistic. My conclusion is that most of our menopausal and 50+ symptoms, mental, emotional and physical are actually caused by stress and our desire to stop looking after everybody else, but to start looking after ourselves, our desires, our needs and finally our dreams. To me this new reflection on who am I and what do I want plus the continued outside stress can create depression in some women.

I now specialise in EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping) and chakra stimulation. I found this is the treatment style working extremely well,  going down to the true core of the problem, physical, mental or emotional. I have worked with many 50+ women by now and I have found that 50+ women are confronted with

10 Major Stresses

1. Decline in our strength, health and energy levels
2. Decline in our youthfulness, decline in attractiveness
3. Menopause with all it’s challenges
4. Teenage children
5. Empty Nest (or children not moving out!)
6. Parents and/or in laws in need of more support
7. Loss of loved ones
8. Fear of future
9. Struggle with technology
10. Financial concerns about our future

Looking at these stresses, it’s very obvious that each one in itself is huge. However, we don’t just face one of these stresses, but most of them combined!! It is the stresses plus the feeling of being helplessly exposed to them without any tools or any support which makes this time so difficult. All this is enough reason for depression. For me depression is a deep sadness, often from the past that has not been addressed. Combine the existence of this sadness from the past with major stresses in the presence and the depression becomes acute, expressing itself in a variety of symptoms.

I found in my years of working with 50+ women that most of them are deeply exhausted due to stress and consequently have a very weak kidney pulse, speaking in acupuncture terms. In Chinese medicine the kidney energy is our primary energy. Kidney depletion is a deep level of exhaustion that can lead to disease – mental, physical or emotional. With this kidney depletion comes an adrenal glands depletion, due to the constant demand of adrenalin. Now the adrenal glands are meant to balance our hormones during menopause, but they will fail to do so because of their depletion and in turn this will cause menopausal symptoms. Can you see the chain reaction that is going on here?

In my style of treatment I address all the stresses with EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping). We cannot remove the stresses, but we can work on our response, our emotional reaction to these stresses. That’s where EFT takes centre stage! EFT is a gentle tapping with 2 fingers on acupuncture points in face and upper body to release the emotional attachments we carry in regards to our issues. Once the emotions are out of the way, we can then respond in a calm and unattached manner to the issue. Next I stimulate the collarbone point, an EFT point (which happens to be a kidney point!) and I also stimulate chakra points. With this I facilitate very deep relaxation and I stimulate the kidneys. This deep relaxation, combined with kidney stimulation and the release of the stress factors with EFT is what makes my sessions so successful. It helps women to regain their strength and brings balance and harmony back into their system.

The 50’s will always bring up stresses, but the knowing that you do have tools and support makes all the difference!

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Effects of Stress when Prolonged, Part 6

Effects of Stress when Prolonged

Part 6

Effects of Stress

The Effects of Stress when prolonged, on our health, emotional and  physical well being can by quite troublesome. EFT, Emotional Freedom Tapping  is an amazing tool to release the stress, the effects of the stress on our well being and will facilitate the release of any unconscious, negative and limiting beliefs like I am not good enough, I can never get it right, I am not worthy, I am too dumb and so on.

My preferred tool to dealing with these belief systems and the attached trauma, which is creating the stress and the effects of stress in first place,  is EFT, Emotional Freedom Tapping. This is the best way to truly deal with the cause of the the stress and the effects the stress, has on your physical, emotional and mental well being. In my sessions I use EFT to release the traumas and beliefs that are underlying to the stress and the effects of stress whe, meaning any symptoms caused by the stress. I use chakra stimulation to bring stillness and harmony back into the chakras and with that into the whole body and I use kidney points to stimulate the kidneys and the adrenal glands. With the holistic approach I release the stress and the effects of the stress on your body. I calm down the whole body and all the organs and with that the system can return to a state of harmony and balance.

Another way of looking at releasing stress and the effects of stress would be life style changes, relaxation techniques, acupuncture, massage and similar, while this is not addressing the root of the issue, it still helps to calm down the body to bring some harmony back into the system to prevent serious health issues.

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Effects of Stress when Prolonged, Part 5

Effects of Stress when Prolonged,

Part 5

 

Effects of Stress on our Health

It is the traumas and the beliefs we hold that are underlying the stress and the effects of stress and all the symptoms we are experiencing. These often negative and limiting  beliefs and thoughts make challenging situations stressful for us. These beliefs come with an emotional trauma attached to them. Working through the trauma and the consequent beliefs and thoughts is the only way to truly deal with the stress and permanently release the effects of the stress. Only then are we able to deal in a calm and appropriate manner with the problem on hand.

It is most important to understand that is the trauma buried underneath the stress and the beliefs that we have created out of the traumas that are causing the trouble, the effects of the stress, the symptoms we are experiencing. These mostly negative and limiting beliefs make the already challenging situation so stressful for us. Unconscious belief systems like I am not good enough, I am not worthy, I don’t deserve, or I can never get it right and similar. It is these traumas with their attached beliefs and thoughts that cause us to go into an emotionally charged state and with that they cause the stress, the effects of the stress and all the symptoms we are experiencing.

Once emotions are involved we generally loose our centeredness and without that we are not objective anymore, meaning we are in re-action and in trouble!
It is very difficult to make good decisions and have a clear head when being in an emotional reaction!

Therefore, releasing the underlying trauma and the attached belief system is the only way to truly deal with the stress, as well as the effects of the stress and all the symptoms we are experiencing. Working this way removes the emotional charge. With the emotional charge out of the way we will be able to deal in a calm and appropriate manner with the problem on hand.

To be continued…

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Effects of Stress when Prolonged, Part 4

Effects of Stress when Prolonged

Part 4

Effects of Stress on our Health

 

In this article I talk about the consequences of stress on and the effects of stress. Stress literally affects every aspect of our body, our life, our relationships, our outlook to life can become negative and our sleep can be affected, which causes new problems in itself.  The effects of stress on  our work and our decision making can cause us problems. Long term stress can also lead to chronic diseases like heart problems, diabetes, psoriasis, just to name a few.

The effects of stress can be huge, our decision making process is effected, our concentration level, our relationships, basically stress is affecting every aspect of our life. When we are stressed we tend to get anxious, worried, irritable, fatigued, overwhelmed and our sleep is affected. Stress can lead to negative thinking and to “catastrophizing”.

When stressed we certainly do not take time to smell the roses, therefore the effects of stress can be a decrease in life quality. Our relationships suffer, as we are irritable and absent minded.
The effects of stress when prolonged may be chronic disease, either because of changes in your body or the overeating, smoking and other bad habits people take on to cope with stress.
Another effect of stress when prolonged can be depression and with consequent low levels of social support, it has been associated with increased cardiovascular risk. The effects of stress when prolonged can cause diabetes. Other effects of stress can be psoriasis, headaches, digestive problems, skin problems and much more.

To be continued…

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Effects of Stress when Prolonged Part 3

Effects of Stress when Prolonged

Part 3

 

Effects of Stress on our Health

 

In this article I dive into the different effects of stress and the consequent physical symptoms, mental symptoms and behavioural changes that are reflecting this long term stress. It is important to be able to identify  these symptoms as effects of stress we are experiencing. Next we need to  address these symptoms and make necessary changes, reduce the stress,  make the necessary life style changes, to prevent diseases like diabetes or heart attack. We all deserve to enjoy good health.

Common symptoms of effects of stress when prolonged on our body are:
• Headache
• Muscle tension or pain
• Chest pain
• Fatigue
• Change in sex drive
• Stomach upset
• Sleep problems

Common symptoms of stress on the emotional and mental well being are:
• Anxiety
• Restlessness
• Lack of motivation or focus
• Irritability or anger
• Sadness or depression

Common symptoms of stress on the behaviours are:
• Overeating or under eating
• Angry outbursts
• Drug or alcohol abuse
• Tobacco use

The effects of stress can be on our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing. Prolonged stress can lead to serious chronic disease. Stress is taking our energy and our joy of life. It is very difficult to be stressed and go out and have fun. Most people respond to stress with increased alcohol consumption, cigarette consumption or similar, which is not addressing the stress, it just helps to forget it for a little while. We need to take definite steps to decrease our stress levels and with that decrease the effects of stress on our body.

To be continued…..

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